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( Sunday, Dec. 15, 2002 3:40 pm ) >From the bottom of my heart Last night I went to another party at Christopher's house. After attending, I was filled with bitterness, jealousy, hatred, and eggnog--typical night for me. I spent significant amounts of time talking to Jelly, Call (I'm changing his name from Cal to Call, I've just decided. Like in Jacob Have I Loved), and this peculiar British guy that Anise is currently dating, and I guess once I was drunk I started getting all pissed off (internally. I wasn't hitting anyone or anything, though I do recall that as soon as Juney and I were out the door at the end of the night I kept saying "Fuck everyone!") because all those stupid science geeks don't really like me anyway. And getting pissed off at myself for only being interested in getting flirted with and having crushes when it is all so mind-bendingly pathetic and stupid. So I am in a lingeringly bad mood today. Feliz Navidad! A generous dose of self-hatred for me, mmmm, goes down like grape Dimetapp. I've resolved to forego all expectation or desire or crushes in the future, because it's just so effing unrealistic. New Year's resolution #1: Stop liking everyone, seriously. No more liking of boys. Anyway, I was rather fond of Anise's new male sheerly for his Britishness, although it became sort of a pity liking after I realized what a tremendous dork he is. Very dorky jokes--sad but endearing. There was one point, riding down in an elevator with all of us girls, when he was moved to note that he was the tallest one in the elevator, which was appropriate because, I quote, "I am a boy." He was clearly a bit older than Anise, and so not a boy but a grown man. I consulted with Juney when we got home last night and we agreed that that guy saying "I'm a boy" was the creepiest thing we've ever heard. |
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