Act natural

( Friday, Apr. 16, 2004 9:51 am )

>I was the more deceived

OK, I would say I have been incapacitated for the past few days due to unexplained encroaching weirdness with Call during/after my trip home, which culminated Wednesday night in what I assumed was a breakup. I don't even want to go into the whole thing because I suspect that while Call and I can go on and on, obsessing, it's probably engrossing only to us. Plus he broke my heart. Pissed and shocked, I stormed out of his apartment in a dramatic, don't-touch-me! fashion (just like on TV, oh boy) and walked home in the rain, somewhat obscuring my face with my umbrella so I could cry freely on the sidewalk. Went home, started sobbing with Juney, and then called my mom to sob to her too, since I knew she'd be up, my dad being away on business. Yes, so, fully sobbing. Then I tried to calm down and drugged myself with Dramamine so I could sleep.

The next morning (yesterday) I woke up to "Hey Ya" on the old clock radio, and then remembered what had happened, and then felt like clubbing myself repeatedly with a blunt object, eventually deciding to head in to Big Chain Books instead, that being the psychic equivalent of self-inflicted head trauma. Anyway, maybe I'll spare you the pathetic, depressed details. June was very good to me, and brought me a flower and some cheesecake and took me out for Ethiopian food and let me ramble on about my visit home. So I was OK, then. I rounded the evening out with some nice sobbing, staring at the phone and wondering when he would relent and call me.

Oh, the pain. Helpfully, though, I am psychic, and soon after he DID call me, and did say he still loved me. We talked for a long time. It was tremendous, and we definitely delved into the backlog of Almostreally-Call weirdnesses, including some that I didn't even know were there. And anyway, I'm seeing him this afternoon. I think things will be OK, but last night I was prepared to do anything that would assuage the intense depression that was gripping me, even at the risk of worse heartbreak in the future.

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