Act natural

( Friday, May. 21, 2004 10:59 pm )

>Heartbreak hotel

Ummmmmmmmmmm yeah. Currently I'm experiencing bouts of depression mixed with free floating clouds of elation. It's a heady mixture. Tonight I was feverishly striding around Big Chain Books as usual, only I was thinking to myself "time is on my side" and "a little bit of involuntary celebacy will clear his head" and "no one will ever love him as I did" and "what the fuck is with him, anyway?" And then I came home, straight home, even though I was thinking I wanted to buy a CD to cheer me up or else go out for a drink with Juney, only she's not home, she's with Matt. And I don't have anyone I can call because she's my only friend except for my bookstore friends, but I either don't have their numbers or they are on vacation, these friends. So instead I am drinking Juney's orange flavored duty free vodka again, which I've pretty much finished off myself in our two years in this apartment.

Last night I had a fantastic conversation with my brother Adam regarding my hypothetical birthday party that I want to throw myself. This is the first time in my "adulthood" that I feel confident that I could invite a goodly amount of people, enough to have a good ol' fashioned kegger, and of course my brother is the premier party-planner of the frat world, having masterminded a really expensive and elaborate beer-delivery system in his apartment, among other things. He and I were plotting out a fantastic blow-out, including such frattie touches as an ice-luge, but since I'm lacking an appropriate party venue (the two-year-old downstairs being one issue), I might have to wait until I move. Sadly, Landlady Ellie's first floor is SO PERFECT for a party space, yet I can't quite contemplate asking her permission to throw a party there in her absence (she and Babyboy are traveling to Prague this summer) and to do it without permission would be just so wrong. So my current idea is to have a very West Philly party, and invite people to drink Forty Ounces on the front porch, and then maybe adjourn to the neighborhood dive bar that I still haven't been to, probably because Call wouldn't go there, just because he knows someone that got stabbed outside the place. Honestly! Happy birthday to me. It's coming up mid-June, wanna go to my party? I will be 24 years old.

The things I am looking forward to (of critical importance in my life now, having things to look forward to): going to Fake Church on Sunday, celebrating with Juney on Tuesday when she finishes defending her thesis, and outing with Big Chain Bookers to bar on Wednesday.

I was also thinking at work about how I find Call to be so indescribably beautiful, and then thinking vindictively about how NO ONE ELSE DOES OR EVER WILL BUT ME SO HA! Last night talking to Adam, he told me Call was gay and enjoyed sucking penises for fun and profit. And he's a nerd. And he's clumsy. And I still looooove him and always will. Gonna have to give me some time to work on that one.

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