Act natural

( Friday, Jul. 12, 2002 10:44 pm )

>WWBritneyD?

So I've gone shopping every day for the last three days. That's pretty disgusting, I know, but I really needed it. Plus now shopping is entirely out of my system for the next milennia since I now have everything I was thinking I wanted, with the exception of red stilletto heels (the official renuncitory gesture of the 5'3" Nathan). I purchased, in total: black purse, red/black skirt of mild ugliness, gray corduroy pants, white skirt, black/white skirt also of mild ugliness, three T-shirts (attractive), dark jeans (with some stretchiness in order to highlight the booty), 5 pairs underwear (4 of which unsuitably small, 1 of which damned sexy), and the piece de resistance, a pink T-shirt featuring Britney Spears ($5). I'm very excited about the Britney shirt. Although I feel I wear it with an amusing ironic flair, I actually do kinda like Britney. OK, fine, I love her, I want to be her, I tried to get Ruby to go see Crossroads with me, but she wouldn't. I'm not usually like this, really.

Now I have the agreeable task of trying to figure out which lovely outfit of mine to wear to dinner tomorrow night with June, Justine, and June's friend Emi.

Besides shopping lately, I've been trying to cultivate discipline in myself. So far the way I've gone about this is to (1) forbid myself from watching TV (with the important exception of the shows I ritually watch with June, ie Real World and, last night, True Life: I Have Embarrassing Parents) and (2) have a time when I have to sit down and do nothing but write. So far I've only been doing an hour at a time, and even that is very difficult. Both of these plans are an attempt to get myself to regain some of the creativity I used to have, especially in the first years I was at PCU, when I didn't have a TV or a computer or a roommate and consequently had to amuse myself most of the time. I liked being social my senior year much better, but I really miss the days when I was reading and writing and drawing all the time. Those activities are very satisfying, but I have to get back into the groove. I haven't produced anything at all lately.

I'm feeling my punkassness, yet I have the suspiscion that I'm really having fun and that there's no reason not to suspect that my immediate future will carry only more of the same. The only thing I lack is someone to squeeze me and/or make out with me on the couch.

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