Act natural

( Sunday, Sept. 22, 2002 1:49 am )

>Zealot

If I ever had a website (besides this one, I guess. Hmmm), it would definitely be crankybaby.com, because I am a cranky baby. Today I tried my Walk All Over the Effin City cure for depression, which I guess worked kind of well, and at the very least took me through the Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts (small but wicked neato), Chinatown, and down to South St for a water ice. Then I returned home to be sweaty and have some bonding moments with my best friend, Digital Cable. Did I tell you about having to press two buttons on the remote to turn it on? Then Juney explained to me that it's necessary to use two buttons to turn it off, too, which explains why I messed the whole set-up up every time I used it.

Right now there appears to be some sort of porch party going on across the street. Maybe I could go over and meet my new best friends, except for the fact that I took a shower and put on pajamas at 8:30 tonight. On a Saturday. Somehow I thought I would be a real party girl once I came to the city, but that is only because I am delusional. Neva the less! I did enjoy a lovely bowlful of my own homemade Tofu/Chicken Soup for dinner. I really eat so healthfully, I realized, except for all the cookies and beer.

I keep meaning to go to church every week (Unitarian Church, ie Fake Church), but it's getting late, so I'm predicting there's no friggin way I'm leaving the house by 9:30 tomorrow. It's never gonna happen, and I'm not sufficiently motivated to make the effort because the whole idea of Unitarianism is that you take care of your own spiritual needs, and if church isn't providing any kind of advice or guidance, why bother? Answer: donuts and liberalism. I haven't been to church since I was twelve, when I went through a brief religious period and started reading the bible, so my parents took me to the church I was baptized, or whatever, in. It was kind of nice, but kind of pointless. They never once mentioned God in any of the services, I swear to you, and one of my most distinct memories is some guy going up front to read a short story in which there was a scene of the protagonist eating while on the toilet, I believe to make a point about censoring and what is appropriate in church. Or something, I don't know. Anyhow, long story short, I was probably an Atheist for a long time after that (not because of the potty story or anything) until, uh, fairly recently, when I underwent a whole spiritual conversion while attending a college whose students are consistently rated "most likely to ignore God." I think it was Emerson that did it. So now, I guess I would say I'm a Unitarian again (although to be a non-practicing Unitarian is like the most apathetic you can possibly get), but in need of a little guidance. Intellectually, I've decided I believe in God in a democratic, Whitman-esque way, but spiritually I'm not sure I have "faith" and I'm not quite sure how to translate belief into daily life/behavior anyway. So that's my God story. I know most people like me are Atheists, but I have to say that my little religious awakening makes me much more comfortable around, like, people who tell you "God bless you" and "Jesus loves you" with little provocation. They'd probably stone me if I tried to explain my whole belief system ("See, he's no more the son of God than I am, it's just that he's fully realized as a human being, and I am not..."). I remember I tried to explain it all to Stinky once, thinking it could totally bridge the gap between Christianity and Judaism and Buddhism and everything, but apparently, other people have rather strong religious beliefs. Go figure. I just sort of nod and smile as if I'm some kind of enlightened person and keep myself to myself.

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