Act natural

( Monday, Mar. 07, 2005 1:10 pm )

>Peter Pan and Wendy

Yesterday heading into work I spotted, walking through the park, alongside a girl, in a sort of Sunday afternoon just woke up getting coffee and pastry kind of way, Call. I saw them across the street and stared intently for a few seconds and then looked away, heading chagrined, eyes down, to Big Chain on the corner. But then, I had to reflect:

1. It wasn't him
2. It wasn't him

And in truth, it really wasn't. It was just some dude in a hat. I'm kind of impressed that it bothered me with a very dulled version of the misery he used to inspire in me, and only for the time it took to walk a couple blocks.

I'm very good at picking out people who look somewhat like him, though.

I'm sort of re-thinking the whole librarianism plan, since it doesn't really make me happy or excited to think about it. The problem is that I still have quite a while before the deadline, to ponder and think and talk myself out of it. The trouble is that I'm sure there's something out there that I'm rather do, it's just that I'm not sure what it is. And it would be stupid to spend all kinds of money and effort on something boring that I would eventually grow to hate and want to get out of and feel trapped in but it's the only skill and experience I have so I can't. So obviously the only real choice is to stay working at Big Chain Books FOREVER, and be slightly dissatisfied and short on cash but not troubled by change and big life decisions.

I have always been like this.

I'm also back on my familiar pseudo-health kick diet, when I start eating vegetables again and stuff. My new plan involves drinking many many glasses of water and eating many many bowls of homemade soup. I actually got kind of turned on in the produce section the other day, so obviously my body is crying out for some vegetables, although it is often easy to interpret this cry as a need for chicken fingers and beer.

And finally, my own boy Davy is fun and sweet as usual, even though I know not really serious about me in a long-term sort of fashion. But that's quite OK, as I feel it would probably be a major mistake to be quite that committed before I have a chance to fully live life and get my act together. Even the coupley-ness gets on my nerves sometimes, like when I can't just leave the bar when I feel like it, and have to wait for him and Jimmo to finish a pitcher. But then we get home and lie down together and fill the room with much nonsense and laughter and it's okay. It's like Peter Pan dating Wendy, this deal.

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