Act natural

( Thursday, Mar. 20, 2008 7:04 pm )

>Long Day in the Universe

Been thinking that 27 is a classic year in which to have your breakdown. Been waiting patiently for the day when I can't get out of bed. Always feels like it'll be today but never is.

I hate Conchita. Today I finally finished a stack of proposals and her first instinct was to ask when I was going to finish "The Report" because the Director would need it. "Umm, what report?" I asked. Ah yes, something impossible that I told her I couldn't do months ago. Fantastic. I sort of work in the red light district and everyday I pass the XXX theater and think "I would rather go see porn than go to work today." I guess that goes without saying, though. Maybe if I told you I hate to part with $7 normally.

I am really in need of a vacation, but I can't think when or what. In answer to the first, "as soon as possible," but that limits me in the second. I'm not sure I can spend a week with my folks....and that's the only thing I've thought of. Maybe a couple days with Ruby in New York. Haven't spoken to her since August.

Today I emailed my doctor. I've never actually met her, but she's the perfect doctor for me because she'll diagnose and even prescribe over email. I asked her to refer me to a psychiatrist...I spent all day at work writing one email, having to stop at long intervals because it was upsetting me.

For a long time I thought Prozac and the like were kind of like cheating, but now I'm really desperate for some kind of magic bean to make me feel better and able to talk to people and stop procrastinating.....does that exist? I'm hoping so. I used to worry about side-effects, but now I realize that I already have an awful personality and no sex drive, so no harm done.

Also, I don't have tomorrow off. Blows.

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