Act natural

( Saturday, Sept. 21, 2002 12:54 am )

>I don't go to school

So is anyone tired of hearing me complain about how I don't get enough email/reg. mail to satisfy my endless pit of need for written communication? I waited all day long, not checking email at all. And finally I checked tonight. And I had three emails! And they were all from my grandmother, the same email sent three times. Ooh, let down. That one hurt.

Anyhoo, tonight was another happy hour with the science geeks. I've determined that three hours of happy hour with people I don't actually know will do me fine. When it drags on past that, I'm pretty much ready to take my pants off and eat ramen in front of the tube, and all the nice folks around me are merely obstacles. (I am such a sexy girl). I like all the science geeks a lot; they're all really friendly and well-groomed and in my age cohort and have good and interesting stories, not always about lab accidents, but I don't really feel a spark, romantic or platonic, with any of them, male or female. But it's unfair to compare them with Juney or Ruby, people I've known for years. Also, I find it a bit of a downer to be meeting batches of people who don't feel a spark with me either, especially the lads. Last time I had thought maybe...but this time I could tell, none of them were havin it. Overall apathy towards my considerable charms. (And wiles. My wiles are also considerable).

That reminds me of when I was walking around the city a few days ago, and this well-dressed, nice-looking business-y lady pinched the butt of a guy waiting on line at a food cart as she passed by (they were work friends, I b'lieve). He said hello to her, and she turned back as she walked by to say, "Aww, I wanted you to go 'Wooo!' when I goosed you." And the vendor said to the guy, "Heh, maybe you would have if it were someone else!" I was thinkin, geez, it's pretty cold when even the food cart guy ain't havin it.

Here's the conversation I have with every single Penn-related person (ie every single person I have met in Philly so far boo hoo):

Person: So are you in the blah-blerh-indistinguishable-science program?

Me: Uh, no. I don't go to Penn. I'm June's roommate.

Person: [processing this, trying to figure out who June is] So where do you go?

Me: Oh, I don't go to school. I'm looking for work.

I always work it so that I sound like some kind of intinerant hobo instead of a college graduate. PCU's pretty prestigious, although so liberal-artsy that I don't think any of the science geeks are impressed. They think we're all homer-sexual basket weavers. Oh, but I miss talking about books. I'm listening to the PCU-ville radio station on the internet right now, and the first song I heard was "Don't Dream It's Over," which makes me think so full-heartedly about Ruby and our hoose. Oh. Homesick. Lord help me. Even homesick for Stinky Pete the flatulant roomie.

Tomorrow I think I'm going to go see the Pennsylvania Academy of Fine Arts, which is mad historic and something I've been meaning to get to since we moved here and is also free or half price or something to students tomorrow. So that's exciting. Maybe I'll get a print for my room, at the risk of making it too Philly-centric.

I think the whole email obsession and bouts of PCU-ville homesickness are symptoms of loneliness. It seems impossible since I do have Juney here, and I love the city and hate my hometown, but there you have it. I need friends here, but I suppose I would settle for visitors or for being a visitor myself. All I know is I walk down the street and fantasize about someone I know yelling out my name. Ah, boo hoo. That's the last I'll write in this vein, I swear. Because really, such is the nature of life, adulthood, and everything.

Today I ogled a boy in the park wearing suspenders around one o'clock, so I guess my life isn't all bad. He was sitting next to me, but with his girlfriend. And laid his head in her lap to take a nap. I saw them again on Market, and briefly considered following them.

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