--> Act natural

( Friday, Sept. 12, 2008 9:54 pm )

>Unraveling, but that's nothing new

About the fifth day of a possibly lunar-cycle-related depression, plus my limbs are covered in itchiness for the tenth week running. At some point I'll probably try to claw my way out of my own body, but until then maybe just blog.

I was kind of pissed off that I got depressed this week even though I was trying extra hard to stay healthy by walking a couple miles a day and dancing around and having orgasms or at least sex and drinking water and taking vitamins and eating organic produce and drinking only one glass of red wine per day and scheduling myself like crazy to see friends and do activities.....and all for nothing. I think I am starting to feel better now too despite boozing and eating fried cheese and staying up too late to spend quality time with the cat and Conan.

I don't think I am ever going to get married and I don't think I want to. We are running around trying to do the things we are supposed to do, like get married and buy a house in our desired neighborhood, but the thing is, we are already together. We already live in our desired neighborhood. I just want to get on with life, not accessorize it. Actually what I really want is to have a baby sometime or other without scandalizing my grandma, but what the hell. Cross that bridge when we etc.

Unfortunately everything seems a little pointless to me right now. Tomorrow I will drink several cups of tea and then ascend to a higher plane of being. I have already overscheduled tomorrow: farmer's market first, because white hipsters demand heirloom tomatoes, then tea, then house hunting with talkative realtor, then a fringe dance show that involves a chorus of 100 singers, and then probably drinks afterwards. But right now everything is a little pointless and bland and itchy.

I think Davy is playing Spore, which I bought, but unfortunately that too is pointless.

Work was so awful today that I thought for sure I will buy a GRE book and study and take it and apply to library school and go to library school. It's just an awful mess--I have no desire to move upwards in this profession, yet I'm stuck as an underling running three sentence emails past several people, one of them younger than me, and they all have their own rearrangements to recommend. Make sure to add that our administrative fees keep the wolves away from the door....... I work for the most micro-managing boss ever. She is the puppet master. She talks circuitously like the great female French literary theorists.

Plus my boss's boss was gloating today that her daughter just bought a house. I looked at the fact sheet on it...$334,000. If we could only afford $334,000, we could live in our truly-desired neighborhood, in a three-floor 1920s mansion facing the park. Don't tell me your 27-year-old daughter could afford such a place on her own without hundreds of thousands of dollars from mom and dad--plus she's been living rent-free in the building next door to them since college anyway.

Lately we've given up a great deal of hope of finding our ideal ghetto paradise, and realized that for us too, the only option is the lottery or a $100,000 cash infusion from our parents. The usual American dream type thing is just not possible for us, at least if we want to stay around here.

Ah, whatever, real estate complaints. We just need to find an apartment further west, away from obnoxious college students. It's all wonderful to see them jogging shirtlessly by; it's when they start talking that it becomes a problem.

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