--> Act natural

( Sunday, Nov. 22, 2009 2:08 am )

>Freaking out, Ahab-esque

Just lost again at Settlers of Catan. I frickin hate board games, and I'll tell you why--I always lose, and I hate caring so much about it--it makes me so angy. I go all Ahab about it, all "from hell's heart I strike at thee!!" which is generally inappropriate for daily events.

I still can't really control my emotions; the best I can do is to avoid situations (i.e. competitions of all sorts) that trigger uncomfortable feelings. It also doesn't help that Davy and Jim are all about strategizing regarding games and the rules of games--they live for that, and I just don't think in the same sort of orderly, logical, and statistical way.

I did not actually throw the board and all the pieces to the floor, or actually tell my future husband "from hell's heart" etc., but I WANTED to, hence I still feel I have work to do.

Also I think I'm way too careless.

I'm not a pothead anymore though, isn't that good? I have quit cold turkey, for a long time now, and that is because it now makes me anxious and crazy, and I cannot deal with that.

Looking forward to Thanksgiving, and my wedding. I have a date now, in spring. Good. I wouldn't mind going off the pill around then either, but one thing at a time. I have a location, food, drink, and dress. Still lots to do, but I am letting my mother take care of most everything, which is easier. My dad just sent me a nice email about expecting to cry when seeing me in my wedding dress, although I know that in reality what will definitely happen is he will start talking about what I was like as a little girl and I will weep helplessly all day long.

The last time I went to Andy's parents house, we were desperate for new music to listen to in the car, so I brought an old mix CD he made for me, and when I played it, he told me what each song meant. "This one is about how I wanted to sleep with you. This song is also about how I wanted to sleep with you. This song is because I was in a heavy Neil Young period." :)

Although I really would have given anything to beat him at the game tonight. Or at any game ever!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH

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