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( Wednesday, Feb. 12, 2003 11:50 am ) >I love myself, I think I'm grand Hmmm. Email from Ruby sounding depressed about living at home and excited about the possibilities of the two of us moving to California in August. Meanwhile, I just can't contemplate another move right now, although...maybe. After all, what keeps me here? Juney only, since I have no friends or boyfriends or jobs. I can't quite tell: do I have the beginnings of social connections here (Ellie, science geeks, Fake Church) or am I just fooling myself? I just hate to think that this is really what I'm going to be like for the rest of my life, never really being connected to overlapping circles of people and places like I want. Essentially, I'm looking for my "Cheers." But then I think about how I spent four years at PCU, but really only managed to have one friend at a time and to know almost no one else. I would just sort of slip in and slip out of classes and other events, trying to stay below the radar. So if one place works just as well (or as badly in my case) as another, I might as well go to California with Ruby, if only for the novelty and travel. Hopefully by spring I will find some indication of whether I should stay or go, though in my heart I'm begging this town, "give me one reason to stay here." Though I suppose it's really up to me. I'll try, I swear. I swear! Sigh. Guilt. Worry. In brighter news, as I was brushing my teeth this morning, Juney brought up my mail, including my brand new library card! Oh boy! I'm a little on the sicky side today, but tomorrow definitely I'm heading down to the main branch to enjoy some free, new books. Hurrah. Meanwhile, I will finish the Tenant, even though Helen is kind of a punkarse. And tonight, pancakes and The Creek. Makes me happier just to contemplate it. |
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