Act natural

( Sunday, Dec. 22, 2002 11:10 pm )

>Do you have a hankie?

I just got done watching the movie Nora, which has Ewan McGregor as James Joyce (I'm home, at my parents', and they have HBO). I thought it was very good indeed, and have appointed the titular Nora as my first Post-Victorian Dirty Girl Role Model. Seriously, she was great and I feel very inspired. I had to laugh at this one part--he begs her to write him a letter so he can figure out what she's about, and when he gets it it's all hearts and flowers and he makes all his friends read it and they go, "she likes you," and he says, "yes, but her style: is it good?" More concerned with how she writes--reminded me of myself. Funny. And also her "dirty" letter to him was really delightfully funny.

I got home yesterday by my seven trains. The only rough part, the true test of my adult patience, was when I sat around in New Haven for three hours for my last train. I only had one book with me that I had not only finished, but had read 1,000 times to begin with. I started thinking of good ideas for my "novel," but I had no pen and the only money I had left was a handful of nickels and all the ATMs in the station weren't working, so I couldn't buy one. Bored? Oh hells yes. I could only look around at the boring assortment of Yale students and families, falling asleep with my eyes open, and letting a hyperactive French-Swiss child climb over me going "Metro-North, Metro-North!" I had a brief moment of existential panic from thinking, "I'm a kid, what on earth am I doing here in this station all by myself, trying to get home all by myself? Oh wait, oh no, I am old enough to do this, I'm 22." Good god.

It's been nice to be at home so far, especially since everyone's still glad to see me, and I've eaten to the point of pain for both nights I've been here. I was getting irritated with Juney right before I left, but she called me this morning to say she missed me, so that was nice, and now I feel better, my dear Juney From the Block. And hopefully everyone will keep entertaining me and feeding me and buying me things, and also driving me places, because my brother has the beloved Camry now.

Oh. I also left my razor at home over Thanksgiving, and, well, so, I've abstained from shaving for quite a while (come on, it's those new Gillette razors, I won't buy one, they turn all mildewed so quickly), but last night, finally, I was reunited with that all-important grooming ritual. I guess it's too bad in a way, I was just getting to be all European like my new idol Nora. Probably seconds away from living in sin with some crazy genius and raising bohemian-type children on the continent, but now I am merely an undercover dirtygirl, just like always.

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