Act natural

( Tuesday, Jun. 08, 2004 9:48 am )

>Forties on the frontie

Well, the plans for my "party" are chugging along. Yesterday in a burst of excitement I invited a good portion of the science geeks, my old Quizzo companions,(including Call), through the medium of an email that I thought was funny, but also somewhat suspected was retarded. I've also invited the whole Big Chain Books crew, Landlady Ellie, and, oh yeah, my parents. Hmmm. Nevertheless, this is an important social step for me, as I am so introverted that it feels extremely, extremely embarrassing to be inviting people to my party, and extremely embarrassing to assume that they'll actually come. My brother Adam, the partying frat boy, suggested I get a What Would Adam Do? bracelet, and I have actually pretty much been pretending to be a more extroverted person and be all "oh, you should come! It's going to be so fun!"

The plan right now is 40 ounces on the Front Porch with my Big Chain peeps, and then moving on to a local divey bar. Both of these things I have been wanting to do for a looong time, but never have. Call never wanted to go to the dive bar, just because he knew someone who got stabbed outside. The thing is, though, it wasn't even a fatal stabbing; plus, Call knew a surprising number (2) of stabbing victims. And the 40ies, well, that's just a good and appealing idea.

Anyway, so this sort of tomfoolery is right up my alley recently. Last week I was feeling terrible, and looking in the yellow pages for psychiatrists, thinking it was probably time I got on the SSRI drugs like everyone else in my family, but then Friday and Saturday offered me chances to go out with Big Chain Books girls that I just love, to sit in dark and smoky rooms, and get drunk, and laugh, and listen to live bands playing a foot away, and be out, and take cabs home at night, and suddenly I felt really better, and so relieved that I felt better and was not doomed to depression after all.

It's so good to be somewhat happy and excited again. I still have a whole lot to do and some decisions to make about getting a job, apartment, etc. that are quite scary for me, but nevertheless the summer is looking up to me. And if I can keep goin out with the girls, then the penis-free lifestyle does not bother me at all.

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