--> Act natural

( Thursday, Aug. 17, 2006 5:25 pm )

>Ferrets on a panel truck

OK! So! Yesterday I had this job interview, my first in several million years, and it has become very clear to me why I have been working at Big Chain Books since graduation instead of, like, doing something. I'm not saying the interview went badly--I'm not sure if I even want the job in the first place--but for two days before it, I was really, deeply anxious, and would wake up early and be driven out of bed with jitteriness, and then when it was over, the nerves were immediately replaced with an immense feeling of shame and embarrassment. But not because it went badly! Apparently I find it incredibly embarrassing just to approach a workplace, and act as though they might actually hire me for something. Ohhh yeah. So I've noticed that everybody in the whole world gets nervous about interviewing, but maybe I take it to that special new level of introversion wherein I build a fort out of the living room furniture and live in forever and never have to talk to new people--especially middle-aged women with calm demeanors and unnecessarily arty rectangular glasses. Yep. But I haven't given up yet, since I need to make my purchases of resume paper (73.5% of all hiring decisions are made based on paper weight and creaminess) and a pinstriped pencil skirt (which I think of more like a costume than clothing) count for something.

Also, it was Davy who heard about this opening, and told me who to email, and walked me there. On the way home my inner monologue of shame became so loud that I had to (subtly, I hope) mime hara-kiri and go "stabby stabby" under my breath. I feel a little bit validated that I am really as mental as I thought.

Have I told you how much I love Philadelphia? I was walking to the trolley after work today when a woman walking towards me on the sidewalk took a weird step and went flying ass over teacups--my first thought was that it looked so perfect and so out of nowhere that she was a scam artist waiting to steal the $10.73 out of my bag when I went to help her. Nevertheless, me and a couple other ladies stopped to help pick up a scattering of change and bobbypins and ask if she was OK, and she said she was embarrassed, and the one girl went, "it happens to the best of us." Brotherly love. It has happened to me, actually, but I am a clumsy oaf. The second thing that brought tears to my eyes today was went I finally got into the subway station, there were two musicians playing together loudly in the echoey hallway, and a lady standing right across from them trying to talk on a payphone and shouting at the guys to stop the music so she could hear. And they didn't. It was amazing, much like creepy-weird-boy's love for the plastic bag in the wind in American Beauty, I could have taped that fracas and watched it all freaking day. There were other payphones down there--why did she even put in a quarter there? Sometimes life is too beautiful.

In house-news, I haven't figured out how to nap, tweeze, listen to music, or read in the new place. It's weird to have all my old habits so uprooted. I don't even eat beans that often! Nevertheless, it may be time to read a little Virginia before passing out.

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