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( Wednesday, Aug. 07, 2002 10:00 pm )

>Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Two seconds from screaming and screaming and screaming. I'm going stir crazy at home for the following reasons:

1. I can't drive the Toyota for fear that the muffler will fall off.

2. My father is going deaf, but doesn't like to wear a hearing aid--he's watching TV right now, alternately blasting the volume and muting it, and it's driving me insane.

3. Related to point #2, I can't concentrate on anything. Can't read, can't write, can't listen to music, can't draw, can't think of what I'd even like to be doing.

4. Contacts. I've reached the point where I can't wear them anymore. I have to get a new set as soon as possible, but I can't drive the Toyota, I have no idea what my health insurance situation is, and I'm moving in a few days, so I can't really get them right away. So I'm wearing glasses, which always makes me feel both ugly and uncomfortable. And I need a haircut.

5. I can't think of a single person I'd want to see or hang out with right now. I don't even think Junebug and I are going to be good roommates.

I'm so unhappy. I've felt tired and gross all day. I've got to get out of here. I just wish that I had some assurance that where I'm going is going to be better. The real problem here is that I feel powerless to pull myself out of the horrible, frustrating cabin fever feeling. I'm waiting for some unspecified, nonexistant person to call me up and rouse me and give me something fun to do and inspiration and an art project. Disturbingly, I realized a little while ago that I haven't laughed since I saw Ruby over the weekend. Granted that laughter should have lasted me for a while, I laughed so hard, but nope, it's not enough for me. I want more. Or, I want some. Tonight I'm nonexistent.

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