http://intoanother.net --> Act natural
 

( Wednesday, Apr. 24, 2002 5:05 pm )

>Turn-offs: stupid stupid PCU. Turn-ons: Miller time.

I have done absolutely nothing today but work on my stupid, stupid paper, which is now thankfully done. It was really getting down to the wire, and you should have seen me cutting and rubber cementing my appendix together like it was my job. That means good, brother.

Today I got to greet the exterminator (Ruby has carpenter ants) while still in my pajamas at 1 in the afternoon, while eating carrot sticks, while still marked with tell-tale chip crumbs on my little Kmart boys section tank top, while my nipples did a nice job of imitating Gumby's horse friend (Pokey). You know, I just hate this school, I really do. I hate my classes, I hate everyone who goes here. I'm even fed up with being at home in the middle of the day, which I used to count among my joys in life. The thing is, I came here with two hopes shining in my bright little eyes:

1. That I would feel intellectually challenged and would thus become an academic superstar

2. That I would live in a paradise of freedom and kids of my own age and disposition and would thus have a thousand friends who would love me and give me nicknames

However the sad reality is:

1. I am an academic underachiever and don't care, and am definitely not as intellectual as I used to think I was

2. No one on this entire campus even looks up at me as I walk by, and even if they do it's with a dismissive, you're-invisible-and-I'm-busy-chain-smoking glare.

I think if I just started chain smoking everything would fall into place.

Meanwhile, I used my brother's paper writing technique to help motivate me last night and this morning. It consists of techno music and an attitude of sleepy mindlessness. The idea is to put yourself into a sort of paper-writing trance in which you don't feel the pain. I think it worked pretty well. My old, thesis-writing method was to have one beer to take the edge off the panic, listen to inspirational mp3s (sample lyric: "In a little while/ This hurt will hurt no more/ I'll be home, love."), and compulsively eat baby carrots, Pringles, and E.L. Fudge cookies. However, my thesis sucked monkey ass, so I don't think anyone else should adopt this method.

Well, I should now be glad my work is done for a little while, and sit back and enjoy being lazy and aimless on a beautiful day. I think I'll ogle the golfers for a bit, and eat a donut, and then go wake Ruby up so I can see if my face will look good in posterity in my yearbook picture.

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