Act natural

( Thursday, Mar. 07, 2002 8:42 pm )

>Girl power

OK, so I just settled down in my chair to write my last mid-term, a take-home, so of course I'm now ready to do a diary entry, eat some donuts, and take a nap (what I like most about college is napping at night). Actually, though, I'll have to get right to work, because I absolutely have to be out of here by 2 tomorrow in order to be home by 4 in order to catch a plane with my family at 6 or 7. I'm going to Florida, although not in a woo-hoo girls gone wild beer bong way, but more in a visit Grandma way. But it's cool, I dig my Grandma way more than any fratties.

Which brings me to my message for my imaginary readership: no new entries for two weeks while I'm on Spring Break. Just think fondly of me, in Orlando for a few days, and then (blissfully, blissfully) home all alone for a few more, and (hopefully, hopefully) taking a road trip somewhere. Even though it's a really scary idea, I think I might travel alone because absolutely no one I know is interested in visiting the Americana, outdoorsy kind of stuff I want to see. Here's a little summary of every conversation I've had with every person I know at least once this month:

Me: Hey, weren't you the person who said you wanted to go see Niagara Falls with me?

Them: Aw, hell no.

Me: I know someone said they wanted to see it!!!

Them: Uh, yeah: you.

Anyway, so if after two weeks there are no new updates, probably call the police, because I've been abducted by a Canadian psycho. This whole thing reminds me of a highly relevant passage from an excellent book by Erika Lopez called "Flaming Iguanas," which I will now quote:

"And check it out--I highly doubt you'd find a traveler pumping you full of psycho-killer fear. No. Only people who stay at home and watch too much TV will pump you full of that shit. How the fuck do they know? Look at their doors: they probably have fifteen deadbolts and an alarm system to protect their rhinestone-horse sweatshirts."

"And one thing that won't work on the road is acting vague. Vagueness isn't cute on a woman away from home and it can get you invovled in some cute misunderstandings. / Basically, don't giggle when you say, 'I don't know.'"

"I talk to anybody. I forget I'm a girl, and I'll go out with some truckdriver I met on the side of the road and have a few beers. And when he smiles at me with that glassy-eyed look that says he wants to blow out his chakras, and invites me to the back of his cab, I go 'Yeah, sure, right. That's real classy' and wave good-bye."

"The louder you laugh and the farther apart you plant your feet, the more respect you'll get. Take up space because it's not a school dance."

Funnily enough this book that removed my fears of psychos out to get me was from my post-modernism class, which was the whole reason I had the psycho fear in the first place, from reading "American Psycho."

I'm never getting to sleep tonight, am I? I have one last thing to say, which is that I'm contemplating answering an online personal ad. The thing is, this guy lives right in my town, and all his answers to the questions seemed so perfect and winning to me, and his picture was pretty cute. Downsides: he's four inches shorter than me and 6 years older. Hmm. Probably not, right? Well, I'll be thinkin' on it, as there's not much I can do until after break. I did have a fantasy tonight about my imaginary boyfriend, who thoughtfully stopped by the house to give me some Tums. If only there were such a knight in shining armor.

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