Act natural

( Tuesday, Apr. 02, 2002 5:41 pm )

>"I could kill you, sure, but I could only make you cry with these words..."

Today I was walking through the college center, and I noticed that one of the clubs, one that's near-bankrupt, was manning a little table, holding a fundraiser. And their motto was "Help Keep Us in the Red!" They were selling all red foods, like watermelon slices, and red-frosted cake, and punch. It was a great little scheme they had there, but I was very tempted to explain to them that "in the red" actually indicates being in debt, whereas "in the black" means profitable. Just as well, though--I don't think there are many black foods that would sell well.

I was in my Japanese art history class today, and the professor was discussing an "Iris and Bridge" painting. It's easily his favorite work of art we've studied, as last time he was lecturing on it, he nearly brought himself to orgasm in a frenzy of descriptive language. Anyway, today he topped himself. I'm almost but not quite certain that he described this painting as "eye pudding." Yes, eye pudding. Like eye candy, only better, apparently. I was alarmed and excited by the way he so carelessly coined this perfect phrase, right in front of us, but no one else seemed to notice. Will I seem psychotic if I ask him about it?

Re: word coinage, lately I've had a problem with saying old-fashioned phrases in a funny sort of sarcastic way, which eventually segues into me using these words all the time, without any hint of irony. Hence my problem with "neato!" a few months back. Now I find myself saying "mother of pearl!" and "son of a gun!" and "holy moly!" in mixed company and meaning it wholeheartedly. I am such a doooooork.

[brief update, 2:15 am: I feel compelled to add that I watched "The Osbornes" tonight, and Sharon muttering "Martha Stewart can lick my scrotum!" was the goddamned funniest thing I had ever heard.]

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